Not enough time

Sometimes being a parent can be very frustrating. It's like sitting in an ofice surrounded by paperwork that needs to be done. Now; but more keeps coming in.
Thats what it's like at home. Everytime I start doing something somebody needs something. When I try to do homework my 4 yr old son(he just turned four) is asking me to play a video game with him. It gets kind of depressing because I keep telling him no, I have to do homework,or, I have to do this or that. He rarely hears, ok let's go play. It's not just him though, my daughter usually gets the same response.

As I sit here writing this my son is using me to practice counting. I am the kind of person that can't write and talk at the same time, so it'a kind hard for me to do both. He asks, what comes after twelve? I say thirteen. Then he asks what comes after 13? I say 14. This goes on all the way to twenty. After twenty he stops and I begin to write again. Then I hear, what comes after eleven? I say 12. He then asks, what comes after 12? I should've said 13, but instead I say, not right now I have to finish doing my homework. This thing he wanted me to do would only take a couple of minutes, but would more than likely turn into a more timely activity.

Things like this will help him learn, as well as building on our relationship as father and son. I feel like I always have to put him off to do other things, and i'm missing important time with him. Ultimately, it makes me feel like a bad parent. I don't want him to keep feeling rejected and turn it into resentment. There will be plenty of resentment when he gets older, I don't want to speed up the inevitable.

Maybe I need to learn how to manage my time a little better so I am able to spend more time with him and my daughter. But until I learn how to do that I am cutting this blog entry short to go play nintendo Wii with my son.

What you are really teaching them

When parents don't agree with each other when it comes to teaching their children rules, limits, respect, and all the other things that will guide them through life there can be major problems. At a very early age children can pick up on disagreements and differences between parents and use it to their advantage.

Just a few weeks ago my son was playing a video game on x-box live, an online gaming site. He wanted to wear the headset that would enable him to talk to and hear other people that were playing the game. I told him he couldn't wear the headset because he didn't need to hear the other people because they were saying bad things. The people playing are much older,(considering my son will only be four years old in two weeks), and talk about many in appropriate things that he doesn't need to hear. He was upset for a minute but decided he better play however he could while he had the chance.

About two weeks later he was playing on x-box live again, and once again he wanted to use the headset. Of course I told him no again, but this time his mother heard us and said," Why can't he wear them? It's no big deal." I tried to explain to her that he didn't need to hear the language that people used on there. After that didn't work I gave up and she gave him the headset. About ten minutes into the game my son was talking into the headset saying, "I'm not a faggot, don't say that, that's not a nice word". Then his mother came through the house saying he couldn't use the headset anymore. All this could've been avoided if she would have just listened in the first place. Instead she had to go against what I said and let him have his way. So all she has taught him is if he can't get his way with me, that he can just go to her. This is just one example of our disagreements on things. There are many times I will tell my kids to do something or not do something and she tells them the complete opposite. It's very frustrating.

She is teaching our kids to go against authority and basically do what they want. They have learned that if they don't get the response they want from one person to go to the person that will give them what they want. This is something that if not broken will give them serious problems in the future.

Resposibiltiy

As a parent you expect to get phone calls about things regarding your kids. Whether it be from a school, daycare, a friend's parent, or a number of different people that know you or your child. But I got a call yesterday that I considered to be just plain wierd. To tell the truth about it, I found it to be completely stupid and unnecessary. Maybe other people would disagree with me but its just how I fell about it.

My 12 year old son lives in Frankfort, I live in Lexington, so I had to take him to school yesterday morning. His books were at his mothers house, but we didn't have time to go and get them or he would be late. I had other business in Frankfort also, so I dropped him off and told him I would bring his books to him. Actually it wasn't his books, but his agenda, its a little binder with a calender and his class schedule in it. It's basically a hall pass, because all it used for is to allow the kids to go to the restroom during class. So after I finished my business I dropped his agenda off at the school and headed back to Lexington.

About thirty minutes into my trip home my son calls me from the school. His teacher told him to call me and tell me that he didn't have a pencil and that he was going to lose "braves points" because of it. I don't know what the hell braves points are, and he really didn't either cause he couldn't explain it to me. The school is Bondurant middle school, and they are the Bodurant Braves, so I guess that's where the braves points come from. I asked him what else the teacher said, he said she just wanted him to call and tell me that. I almost asked him if the teacher was retarded but figured it would be best if I didn't. I didn't want to teach him to show disrespect toward the teacher. I asked him if he had a pencil, he said that the teacher had given him one, so I said okay and told him bye.

The purpose of this call is unkown to me, because there was no reason for it at all. Was I suppose to take him a pencil? That would be stupid even if I was right down the street. Besides that she had already given him one. He was at a school, not having a pencil shouldn't be a problem unless there aren't any in the whole building. Maybe i'm wrong, but isn't that why we pay taxes for school; so they will have books and supplies. A pencil, or paper shouldn't be an issue. My son's mother and I had a conversation about this before, specifically about the agenda. If a student doesn't have his/her agenda they are not permitted to go to the restroom during class, they also get a detention. She says the school does this to teach them resposibility, so I guess thats the whole deal with the pencil. I agree that teaching a child resposibility is very important, but everybody forgets things every now and then. Not allowing a child to go to the restroom if he or she doesn't have their agenda doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. I can only assume that they are expected to go between classes. My son tells me that has four minutes between classes and that there are so many kids in the hallway he barely has time to get his stuff and get to class on time. So when is he suppose to go to the restroom if he doesn't have his agenda? If he goes between classes he will be tardy for class, if he doesn't he will be sitting in class, possibly in pain, because he doesn't have his agenda. I told him if he doesn't have his agenda and really has to go during class, whether he went before class or not, and the teacher tells him he can't go, to just go anyway. But oly if he really has to go and can't wait any longer. I told him to let them know they can call me if this ever occurs. Some people may think this is the wrong thing for me to tell my son to do, but that's just how i feel about it. If you have to go, you have to go. There is no reason in the world to keep a child from using the restroom. I wonder if the teachers, or principals would hold their bodily functions if they had to go and didn't have a hall pass. Or do they even have to have a hall pass. I don't think so.

I am not teaching my kids to go against authority, and maybe some people will see it that way, but this is a natural function of the body. You can't stop it from happening, and you shouldn't try. It can be painful and may even cause some kind of problem. I don't know but i'm not willing to take that chance with my kids.

Like I said, teaching kids resposibility is very important. And I will teach my kids resposibility in all things alike, big and small. It is mostly my job as a parent to teach my kids resposibility, and I will do the best that I can by showing them what I feel is right. As a parent I will take responsibility for some of the actions of my child, from the things that I teach them. They will take resposibility for some of their other actions. I will teach them the difference, so they can determine who will take the resposibility. They will also know that as they get older the resposibility will shift, eventually being all on them. This is one of the many things I will have to teach my children as they grow. I will do the best that I can, and hopefully they will develop into wonderful adults.

Sledding with the kids

A very important part of being a parent is spending quality time with your kids. It doesn't really matter what you are doing, just as long as you are doing something with them. Something they can look back on and smile, or tell stories about when they get older. Or, something they can aggravate you to death about, to do again when you don't really feel like it, or just don't really have the time.

A few weeks ago when we had a pretty decent snow(might have been our first decent snow of the year, can't really recall correctly) my girlfriend and I took our kids and my nephew snow sledding. Even though it was freezing outside and we didn't wanna go, we made ourselves get up and get out of the house.

After we got all bundled up with several layers of clothes, got into our boots, threw on a toboggan and the thickest pair of gloves we could find, we headed to the park to slide off into the sunset, or bushes, whichever came first. We slid down one hill a few times but decided it just wasn't enough fun. We wanted something bigger, where we could really get some speed going. Even though the bigger the hill we went down, the longer the walk back to the top. We saw a hill over by the tennis courts and decided to move over there, only to find that it wasn't satisfying either. Finally we looked higher, to the side of the street, and found that this would be a perfect spot. So we grabbed our sled and dragged it up the hill to start our numerous trips down the slippery slope. We were right, this hill was great, steep and snowy. Not the soft snow that you sink into when you step on it, but the compacted snow that was just right to slide on.

Now that we had found this perfect slope we spent a couple of hours sliding, falling, throwing snowballs, and laughing as we slid the day away. We were having a wonderful time, but it was getting late and it was time to head home. Getting the kids to come to the car wasn't an easy task. You turn to grab one, turn back and the other was half way down the hill again. They were having so much fun they just didn't wanna leave. You would think that being out in the cold for a few hours you would want nothing but to get to the warm comfort of your house, but the thing is, considering the several layers of clothing, the running, climbing, and all the fun we were having we were just fine, not cold at all.

Finally, after chasing the kids around for an extra thirty minutes or so and making a couple more trips down the hill after them, we were able to get them into the car. The fun continued on the way home as we laughed and talked about our wintery extravaganza. When we got home we shedded our clothing and settled into the kitchen for some hot cocoa,(you know, the kind with the little marshmellows floating in it) before drifting of into seperate rooms to watch television, or play video games, or any of the other things we do on a regular basis.

This day sounds perfect doesn't it. That's because it was perfect. Something that will be remembered, maybe not forever, but for a very long time. When my kids(or myself) look back on this day they will smile, whether they are just thinking about it or talking about it. This was a family event, with much fun and laughter, and there is nothing that compares. That's why it is so important to do these type of things, or anything, with your kids. It builds a strong foundation and bond that will carry your kids through life. When they are feeling down, or just having a bad day these memories can give them something to smile about, and maybe change their mood into a better one. Activities like this isn't just about the fun, well maybe it is at the moment; but what we don't think about is the affect that something like a trip to the park will have on our kids for the rest of their lives, and even ours. So, whenever you have the time, even if you have to make time, do something with your kids. Give them something to look back on and smile, you will probably have just as much fun as them, even have a thought to lighten your day when it's not going great.

DISCIPLINE

My 3 year old son loves playing video games. First person shooter games to be exact. Any game that allows him to run around and shoot someone, or something (mainly zombies), will keep him happily occupied for hours. I haven't decided yet, whether or not his love for video games is a good thing or bad a bad thing. I guess in one way it's actually a pretty good thing, considering the fact that he is 3 years old and can operate a video game controller that is way too big for his hands. It's kinda like playing basketball with the ball being the size of a beach ball. He even has enough in game awareness to play multiplayer matches online with adults. Whom he sometimes does just as well as, or occasionally better than. Sometimes, getting him to turn off Call of duty, Modern Warfare 2, can be a bit of a challenge. So much that it gets him into touble.

His "love of the game" is quite useful when it comes to disciplining him. When he gets into trouble, we, as in, me or his mother, don't allow him to play Xbox for a while. When this happens it's like putting him in a torture device. You might as well chain him to a metal boxspring(you know, the thing that goes under the mattress on a bed from back in the day) and apply electricity. He will try to negotiate with you, get mad at you and tell you he is not your buddy, or even tell you he is not your baby. Finally, after all that don't work, he will cry for a while, trying his best to make you feel horrible. Sometimes it works, I will give in every now and then, but it usually doesn't take long when he works his magic on mom. If i'm not around he usually gets what he wants.

That's the thing about disciplining yor kids, if you don't work together you will have a long, hard struggle. At a very young age children can pick up on things like that. If they see they can get their way with one parent that's who they will go to when they are in trouble, or when they want something. If they ask one parent to allow them to do something and the answer is no, then they will go to the other parent and try to get the answer they want. It works out more often than one would think. And that's why parents have to be on the same page and communicate when it comes to disciplining their children. Because if you are not the kids will use it to their advantage.

There are many ways to discipline kids. Many people have different views on discpline. Some believe that some types work better than others, some believe that some types just cause worse problems in the future of the child. Both of these thoughts may be true, and they may not. There are many people in the world that think they know what is best for "your child". But the true fact of the matter is that all kids are different and do not react the same to certain kinds of discipline. Some kids may not care if they don't get to watch t.v., just as some may not care if they don't get to play videp games. Some kids may not care if they get to go outside or not, and some might rather take a whipping than not be able to talk on the phone. It depends on the child, nothing more.

With all the different ways to discipline your child the one thing that msut happen is cooperation and support from both parents. If the parents don't work together and stay consistent with the punishment, whatever it may be, it will not have the effect that it needs to have.

Tough Loss

We suffered a tough loss tonight in the middle school state basketball tournament. It was a close game, but Clinton county was a little too tough for us tonight. My son, who lives in Frankfort, plays for Bondurant middle school. They have a fairly good team, but could use some work in many different areas, as do all middle school teams. They lost by 8 poimts, but in my opinion, they could've won. There were a few determining factors in this game, like it starting at 9:30 pm, when the kids had been up all day from going to school. That's kinda late for some kids. But I have to say that the biggest factors were the referees. They were horrible, and I do men absolutely horrible. Normally I don't get very upset with the refs, but my anger was justified. Even though every parent thinks their anger is justified when it comes to their kids team. As I was siting there watching these refs make such bad calls I thought about my last blog post, and thought to myself, tonight i'm one of those parents I was talking about. I was making comments to the referee, about the referee, and found myself wanting to trip him as he ran by. Now I know thats not the right kind of behavior, buts thats the kind of feelings you get when it comes to your child.

As the referees made all the bad callls they did, I watched the kids run, and hustle up and down the court, never giving up. I was proud of them, as i'm sure every parent was. The game went on, the kids played their hardest (both teams I might add), and the refs still made their horrible calls. But the kids had fun, I just hated to see them lose. But that's how it goes, you win some, you lose some. As parents, we have to teach them how to take a loss and keep going.

Extra-curricular activities

It's always exciting when your child gets involved in sports. You get to go the games, get involved with the game if you choose, and even get involved with the other kids on the team. Watching your child laugh, and smile, and have so much fun is a very proud time in your life. Being there for your child at that time is one of the best things in the world. There is nothing better for your child than them seeing you that proud of them. Of course, sometimes some parents can take things to far. They get angry cause they don't feel their child is doing good enough. They scold the child cause they don't live up to their expectations. They even get into arguments with coaches, referees, or other parents because they feel their child is being treated unfairly. In some cases it's just a parents love; them wanting to protect their child. In some cases it's just bad adult behavior, and a bad example for the kids. They don't realize it's all about the kids having fun, and when they behave like this it takes the fun out of whatever they are doing. And sometimes even embarrasses them.

Alot of the time there comes a sense of disappointment with these activities. Sometimes from the parent(which I mentioned before). But most of the time from the child. They want you to attend every practice, every game, and every function. You want to, but sometimes you just can't. You tell them you can't make the game and you get this disappointed look, or tone, or both. They say they understand, and they do, but they can't help how they feel. When you see this it makes you feel like the worst parent in the world because you can't be there when hey feel they need you. After the game, or whatever it may be, they come home and tell you all about it. They're so happy and excited. You can see the joy in their face, and hear it in their voice while they tell you every little detail they can remember. It makes you wish you would've blown off everything you had to do just to be at that game.

Most of the times as parents we have to experience that disappointment from our child. With work and all the other pressures of life, we just can't be there like we want to, or they want us to. But those times we do make it, we can see the world light up in them.